How often do you compare yourself to others?
Perhaps you have inspiring people in your life, and you have encouraging thoughts of wanting to emulate their positive attributes.
Or… maybe you look at others and all you can see is how they are clearly doing life better than you are.
The buzz word(s) these days are ‘compare and despair’.
Comparison was so much a part of my life, I thought it was normal.
Something everyone did.
Sadly, that is likely an accurate statement.
I still might argue that in small and heavily regulated doses it can be worthwhile. I remember as a new mom, trying to figure out if I was doing okay. There were many times where I looked to and learned from other moms. And comparing my kids progress to what their experience was seemed helpful at the time.
Until of course when I would find myself in a panic because my kid seemed to be not measuring up to others. Or when other moms seemed to be handling things so much better.
What I know for sure is that using the lives or attributes of others to make ourselves feel bad is an act of self-directed terrorism.
Physical appearance, for example, is an obvious hamster wheel. We look at ourselves in the mirror and our eyes go directly to our ‘flaws’. And we are somehow sure the rest of the world sees them too. Then, to further drive home the point, we find people in the world who appear to have what we desire and we beat ourselves up with the fantasy.
Comparison about money is another great form of torture. Yet we all have heard the stories about the elite one-percenters who are driven by the perceived possessions of the other elite one-percenters.
How do you make it stop?
Awareness is step number one.
Listen for the voice of self-criticism and confront it. I use curiosity to peel back the layers and I keep asking myself why until I feel as though I have gotten close to the bottom of my story.
Step number two is all about what you do after you make your discovery. You could tell yourself you are stupid for engaging in that behavior or feeling like that. Or you can pretend you are speaking to your best friend and give yourself a little self-compassion and love. (please chooses the later lol)
Constant comparison is a habit, but habits can be broken. Make a decision to end the self-beratement and choose to do it out of love and self-respect for the amazing human you are.
This is your life. Make it a great one!