Are you the product of strict parents?
One of the down sides of authoritative parenting is that kids learn to be pleasers.
Especially the girls.
We come to learn at an early age just what it is we must say and do to avoid the rath and gain the praise. We learn how to play the game. And it often leads to becoming a person who puts far too much emphasis on the opinions of others.
We create a false belief that we can control and are even responsible for how another person feels.
And in doing so, we create our own personal jail cell, always worried about how people are perceiving our actions and our words. Always in search of the ‘right way’, not saying what we want, over-editing, obsessing, walking on eggshells.
Can you relate?
It is exhausting.
And futile because at the end of the day, the other humans are going to say, do and think whatever they want. Regardless of us.
Pleasers have a constant need for other’s approval and often become misaligned with their own needs as a result. Their own self-esteem becomes attached to other people’s opinions and they suffer because their feelings of self-worth are attached to a volatile and uncontrollable outside force.
We cannot control the other humans.
Coming to terms with this can be one of the most freeing things in our lives. And while I am not saying we should all go out and be jerks just because we can, there is something lovely about taking off the ball and chain and being unapologetic about who you really are.
The most important relationship we will have in our lives is the one we curate with ourselves.
It’s your life. Make it a great one.
xopam
