A boundary is an act of self-care, self-respect and self-love.
It is something we decide to do for our own benefit. It is not about trying to control the other humans. It’s about getting clarity on what we believe needs to happen and making a decision on how to take care of it.
Far too often we allow things to perpetuate in our lives because we don’t want to offend. Or we don’t want to seem selfish. Or we want people to like us.
The pivotal moment is a realization that someone needs to stand up for us. And that we are the person for the job.
It begins with taking responsibility.
It is a declaration that we have allowed something to happen in the past that we do not want in our future.
It is not about blame. It is about creating the power to change it.
There is a simple formula I use when speaking with the person I am setting the boundary with.
When you do _________, I am going to do _________.
Are we having fun yet?
That used to be a line my friends and I would regularly throw out when we were having questionable experiences. As in experiences that weren’t often that much fun.
Kind of like these last few months.
I had a co-worker from a job many years ago who I adored. (hi Bruce) It was a job we both enjoyed, but it wasn’t without it’s stressful times. We once made a pact to have at least one belly laugh each day. I have often thought of those days, and I know we didn’t always meet our goal. But when you have that as an intention, I do believe it changes your mindset. There is a part of your brain that is always scanning for something that could potentially be funny. And I think it’s a good thing.
We also used to create moments of potential hilarity. We would buy the trash papers (the ones by the check out at the supermarket?) to scan for anything funny. And trust me – there were usually many, even if it was point-and-laugh humor.
What differentiates average lives from the extraordinary ones?
Let me first say – I am not harshing on anyone living an average life. But being a coach, I am intrigued with the unique attributes of each state.
We are all born with a brain wired for survival. But the question is, do you want to survive, or do you want to thrive?
Many people will look at their life, make an assessment of where they are, and then go forward based on what they see as an appropriate expectation.
But extraordinary lives happen when you look at where you are and then dream large about what is possible.
Perhaps you were born with that restless urge. Maybe you had a moment of inspiration along the way. But in the pursuit of our deepest desires we find our purpose and meaning in life.
Many people I coach come to me with a long list of limitations and ‘reasons why they can’t’. Reasons why they aren’t further along.
For things to get better, WE must get better.
For things to change, WE must change.
There is no way getting around this.
In our current situation with the pandemic, it’s as if the door to life as we once knew it has been closed.
Some people are standing at the door, jiggling the handle hoping if they do the right thing it will open.
Some are standing behind the door with their arms crossed, pissed off because it’s closed.
But others are looking for windows.
I know a lot of people are trying to be patient while they wait for things to go back to normal.
Except I don’t think we are going back.
We all must be flexible, adaptable and willing to change.
Flexibility often relies on your skill set, and now is a great time to be open and willing to developing new methods of doing things.
Do you like yourself?
I remember my life as an angsty teenager, and I am pretty sure the answer back then would have been a hard no, accompanied by a long list of reasons why.
But now that I am all grown up, I don’t have problems like that anymore.
Oh wait. Yes I do.
One of my favorites these days is when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and all I see is this older woman looking back at me. I don’t always recognize her, and there is a moment when I seriously wonder what she is doing in my mirror. I have no idea why I still expect to see my 20 or 30-year-old self.
Hmmmm. Unless it has something to do with the fact that the only pictures of me in our home are of a younger version, usually with great hair and make-up. Seriously, I just had that realization. Wow. (add – find new/old pictures to my list of things to do for next week) But I regress.