What does the idea of having a good relationship with yourself mean to you?
Do you see it as one of those self-help, woo woo concepts that exists for people who have nothing better to think about?
That would have been me at one time in my life. I had a nose to the grindstone personality that didn’t have a lot of room for all that self-indulgent stuff on the periphery of my life. I was busy, darn it.
I have a memory stashed in the vast caverns of my brain of a discussion about how to take a compliment. It stuck with me because it became clear this was something I was definitely not good at. Compliments have historically triggered reflex thoughts like… This person wants something. They clearly don’t know me. That sounded so fake. They are just saying that so I can then compliment them. This person is trying to blow smoke up my (you-know-where).
All negative. And all indicative of a poor relationship with myself.
When someone gives you a compliment and you cannot accept it, it is often because of how you see yourself.
If someone tells you look beautiful, and all your thoughts are about the things you lack, you will reject or struggle with the gift.
If someone tells you they love you, and you don’t love yourself, you will reject or struggle with the gift.
If someone says you did a good job, and all you can ever see if how you didn’t do enough, you will reject or struggle with the gift.
It might be the curse of the over-achiever or the person for who nothing is ever enough. Not that I can relate to either of these personas.
But if there is truth in any of the above, it might also explain why we allow people into our lives who don’t treat us in a way we think we want.
When another human’s comments match our own self talk, it can seem familiar and thereby normal. And the human brain is innately drawn to that which is familiar.
When you know you deserve it all (and that thought is available to each of us) you are highly unlikely to find yourself in a relationship with someone who wants to throw shade at you. It just won’t be a match.
I believe having a good relationship with yourself is one of the most important things we can cultivate. I would be lying if I said I have fully evolved into a person who is able to receive compliments without first having to overcome the negative reactive chatter.
But I am getting better at it.
How do you relate to you? Changing it is always an option.
It’s your life. Make it a great one!