I have always struggled with the concept of judgement/self-judgment. I see the two actions as one really because I believe your judgement of others comes from how you judge yourself. I think as a woman, there is a strong societal component to self-judgement, but I didn’t really grasp the concept until I had spent years in the spin cycle.
Traditionally for men, their sense of self-worth is tied to their financial statement. Yet for women, our worth has been traditionally tied to our being attractive, thin, kind, a good cook or whatever and we were forever judging and comparing ourselves to others. As women, our desirability (on whatever level) was a big thing when we were talking dowries and the ability to ‘marry well’.
Most of us have moved past that mindset, (amen) but the energetic layer still exists. As women it is just so wrong that we constantly compare ourselves to others as a way of deciding our worth (whoops, was that a judgement?) but we still instinctively tend towards it. The protocol sets us up for failure because there is always someone who does it better than we do, in every category.
So, what is the antidote?
Because you can’t be both curious and judgmental at the same time. Give it a try. The next time you catch yourself in self-judgment or in the judgment of another, take a pause and get curious. Ask yourself why. It’s a beautiful 3-letter word that can open some great inner dialogue. Replace the comparison with compassion and see if you can get those old thought habits to budge. It’s so much more fun than self-flagellation.