How do you know if you are operating in victim mode?
We call it emotional childhood when we see it played out in the world of our offspring. Their interpretation is often that things happen TO them and that they have no control.
Why does this always happen to me? This isn’t fair! It’s not my fault! I don’t deserve this! Imagine those words coming out of the mouth of a 12-year-old in a whiny voice and you can imagine the scenario where it might happen.
Problem is, we often drag this line of thinking into adulthood.
As a coach, I have worked with many clients who have been unaware of their victimized behavior and it’s consequences. I have also witnessed it on a very personal level as a matter of fact. I think we all have.
I am the first to admit that there are times where nothing feels better than a little pity party. And there are times when it’s ok to allow yourself time to indulge in a little woe-is-me thinking. But it is also very important to name it and to give that indulgence a start time and a finish time.
One guarantee in life is that we will always have plenty of opportunity to deal with the not-so-fun side of life. The things people said or did. Happenings and events in our community/nation/world. But when we begin by taking responsibility for our feelings and interpretations of what is going on, we have a better chance of staying out of the quicksand.
When dealing with the other humans, humility is one of those things that will always serve us. When conflict arises, accepting our own complicity is empowering as it gives us the power to make changes in the only thing we can control – our interpretations and our thoughts.
We aren’t always going to do the right thing or say the right thing. And that is okay. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person.
When you can allow for the times when you aren’t perfect, you will find yourself less likely to want to pin it on something or someone else.
I am a good friend and sometimes I act in ways I am not proud of.
I am a good mom and sometimes I do the wrong thing.
I am a good wife and sometimes I am insensitive.
When I own this I can allow for both.
Embracing your imperfection as a human will help you to see that nothing has gone wrong. And if nothing has gone wrong, there is no need to blame others or yourself.
It’s your life. Make it a great one.
xopam
