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Forgiveness

I always used to say I was good at forgiving, but forgetting? Yeah, maybe not so much. Sure, there is wisdom in being wary of a person after they have acted in a questionable or unfavorable way towards us. But I now believe being able to let things go is necessary as a part of our emotional well-being.

So often we think if we forgive someone, it means we have somehow condoned their behavior. We hang onto their wrongdoing, so we can hold that person accountable. It feels righteous and we carry it like a torch. We believe justice needs to be served.

So here is my question. Don’t you ever get tired? Tired of telling the story. Tired of working so hard to keep the flame alive. Tired of feeling hard done by. Tired of feeling like the victim of someone else’s actions. Tired of still feeling at their mercy after all this time.

Last year I was involved in a situation where I felt horribly wronged by another person who I am close to.

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Investing in Yourself

Investing in yourself is the ultimate gift that keeps on giving.

Invest in your brain.

Read stimulating non-fiction books that challenge your thinking. Read great fiction that increases your empathy. Have regular conversations with those who cause you to look at things in different ways. Choose your friends wisely.

Invest in your physical being.

Strive to create a body capable of serving you at a higher level by giving you all the energy you require. If you have been on the planet for a while, consider shifting your philosophy about work-outs from doing things to make you ‘look good’ to working out to have the strength and flexibility to live your life without strain, pain and fatigue.

Invest in your health.

You are what you eat. Choose to intentionally fuel yourself with the best quality food available to you. Put down the rebellious gauntlet and care for yourself as the precious gift that you are.

Invest in your spirit.

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The News

Being a news addict is big these days.

Perhaps you see the news as an important part of your day. Maybe having your finger on the informational pulse of the world is vital, possibly even for your job.

Or you could be like the rest of us, where we have the belief that we ‘need’ to know… but we are often unsure as to why.

Many years ago, I listened to an interview with someone I had a lot of respect for. And they publicly admitted to not partaking in the news.

The concept blew me away as I had always found myself trying desperately to keep up on things because I didn’t want to be uninformed. Even though I found it exhausting.

But in that moment, I felt like I was given permission.

And if the concept intrigues you, I would like to officially invite you to join me.

Just say no and stop watching the news.

While I know I just lost a bunch of you, let me chat with the rest.

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Fun

Are we having fun yet?

That used to be a line my friends and I would regularly throw out when we were having questionable experiences. As in experiences that weren’t often that much fun.

Kind of like these last few months.

I had a co-worker from a job many years ago who I adored. (hi Bruce) It was a job we both enjoyed, but it wasn’t without it’s stressful times. We once made a pact to have at least one belly laugh each day. I have often thought of those days, and I know we didn’t always meet our goal. But when you have that as an intention, I do believe it changes your mindset. There is a part of your brain that is always scanning for something that could potentially be funny. And I think it’s a good thing.

We also used to create moments of potential hilarity. We would buy the trash papers (the ones by the check out at the supermarket?) to scan for anything funny. And trust me – there were usually many, even if it was point-and-laugh humor.

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Procrastination

Ever had a time when you procrastinated and were happy you did?

Yeah, me neither.

Procrastination is intentionally delaying a task we know we must do. And we do it, even when the delay comes with a cost. So why?

I once thought it was because I lacked discipline. Or maybe because I lacked inspiration. I’m not a slacker…or am I?

What I know for sure is it’s not a character flaw. It is not impossible to overcome. And everyone deals with it.

We don’t procrastinate to avoid work; we do it to avoid our feelings.

When we come up against a task that requires effort or one that we don’t think we are going to enjoy, the brain irrupts in all the fear-based bs thoughts to distract us. (sadly it is programmed to do this and we all experience it!)

Thoughts of doubt, lack of competence, inadequacy, fear of failure….

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Happiness

Ahhhh happiness.

So many people, when asked, will say their life goal is to be happy. Come to think of it, even the Dali Lama said it, and he is pretty high up the food chain.

It sounds lovely and oh so honorable, but it’s almost as though we have developed an obsessive relationship with it. Happiness can be illusive, and when we pursue it, we are often left feeling full of self judgement. It can make us feel flawed.

So where does happiness come from? We often believe happiness comes as a result of something outside us. Our accomplishments. Relationships. The success of our children. Money. A new house.

The irony of it all is that happiness originates from that mass between our ears and from our hearts. And it is available to each of us, whenever we choose it.

‘Trying’ to be happy can feel inauthentic. Chasing happiness can leave us unfulfilled and miserable. We say things like – this isn’t fair. Or I don’t deserve this.

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Beliefs

Beliefs are not good or bad, right or wrong – they are just something we all have. Kind of like a face.

You may not agree with the beliefs of others, but it doesn’t make the other person wrong. It just makes them different. And different is what our world is made of.

One subset of our beliefs is often handed down generationally. As parents, we strive to teach our kids what we think of as foundational concepts that will equip them to live a good life. And there is a good chance that at least some of those concepts were passed down from our parents.

There are also the beliefs that have evolved because of our experiences. In many cases, this subset is the opposite of what we were taught by our parents. But chances are we have been influenced by another person of authority or an event(s) of significance.

I like to live in a world where people get to believe what they want to believe.

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Busy, Overwhelm & Worry

What do busy, overwhelm, confusion and worry have in common?

They are all a complete waste of our time.

They pretend to be valuable, but they are merely a bunch of poser emotions.

Busy is like a dull hum in our ear, keeping us from hearing clearly. Busy happens when we step into the day without a plan.

Without a plan, we focus on things that seem urgent but are not important. We operate in reaction mode. And we are left feeling spent at the end of day but without a lot to show for our efforts.

Busy did have it’s moment though. It was when we were looking after toddlers. Remember the days you went non- stop but couldn’t really remember exactly what it was you did?

In parent mode, we called that survival. But it’s something we must pack away with the changing table.

Overwhelm is a state of mind. We hide behind it when we believe there is too much in front of us. It gives us a warped bit of relief but renders us unproductive and it always feels daunting.

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Abundance

Would you rather earn a million dollars or win a million dollars?

It can be a challenging question for many but somewhere in the answer is the idea of living in an abundant mentality or one of scarcity.

I often ask the question to my clients and I love the answers I get.  Many say they would rather earn it because then if they lost it, they knew they could earn it again.  Others were quick to say, ‘win it!”, because of how they thought it would change their life.

But having a lot of money in your bank account does not equal what I think of as abundance.  Abundance is a mindset.

I look at my parents.  They both were born into rural farming communities in the 20s and the stories I heard were always about humble beginnings and a lot of hard work. Yet they always saw the possibility. My father was a serial entrepreneur, way before that was a thing and I saw businesses take off and businesses fail.

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Creating New Habits

My mom wrote in a journal every single night. I’m not sure when she first began, but I’m going to say for probably more than 64 of the 94 years of her life. Sometimes it seemed like a few quick notes, but I know she did it every night. It was part of her evening routine, and it was as important and regular to her as brushing her teeth.

I’m not sure if there is a gene for that (or a Jeanne) but if there is, I didn’t get her desire to journal OR her green thumb, sadly. I often thought I would journal, or maybe I should journal, but I was way too neutral on the subject to ever become motivated enough to actually do it.

Until one day, when I was coaching a client on creating habits. She had mentioned many times that she wanted to start reading regularly so I challenged her to create a framework for making it happen. And I told her I would do it with her because hey, I always wanted to start journaling.

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